When you're young, all you do is dream. Your goals are to make plans, and your plans are to make goals. The world seems so big and full of opportunities...and everything appears so attainable: "A doctor? ...Sure. The first female President? ...Why not?" You're fearless and full of life and joy and excitement and hope for the future. Then you get older...and life happens. You become tired and cynical...burned and broken...frustrated and just plain scared sometimes. You start to think about more "practical" things: jobs, spouses, bills, children...and they tell us this is "growing up".
And for the longest time, this was the pattern I saw and actually wanted for myself. I use to draw time lines when I was in high school:
17-graduate high school 21-graduate college/get a job 23-get married 25-have babies
+___________________+_______________________+__________+___________
Again, maybe it was me being naive. Or maybe it's a Southern thing. But this was the life that I had envisioned for myself...and I was ok with that. Hell, I was more than ok with that. And not that I don't think that's a great plan for other people, because it is. And I want all of those things, too...someday. But blinded my immaturity, I failed to see an important factor in this big "plan" I had made for myself...the "in between". People put so much focus on the milestones that they don't even bother to enjoy the journey that it took to get there. Or as I like to call it "the connecting of the dots".
Because think about it...when you were a child (or an adult...I'm not judging), and you use to play in those little books with the word searches and connect-the-dots, you could look at the dots and kind of have an idea of what the whole picture would turn out like, but you couldn't know for sure...until you connected them. In my crazy little mind, the milestones are the "dots" in life. Of course they're important, because they give us goals and a big picture, if you will, to aim for and aspire to achieve. But the most exciting part of it all is the connecting of those dots with the "in between" and unveiling the journey that is our life one line at a time. We spend so much time worried and consumed in getting from point A to point B to point C that we can't even enjoy our lives in the present moment for what they are. And again, there is nothing wrong with living your life by the aforementioned timeline. But if those are the only things you're concerned with throughout your entire life, then your connect-the-dots may look a little something like this: []
And I prefer to live outside the box. :o)
Which is why I made the decision to move to Chicago. Of course I've always had a deep connection and love for this city. It's so full life and excitement and culture and passion and diversity...a lot of things I felt as though I was lacking in my life. Not that my life has ever been dull or boring by any means. I've been so blessed throughout my life to have always had great family and amazing friends surrounding me and supporting me. I've had so many wonderful times and memories just over the past few years that I know I will carry with me for the rest of my life. That's what was so hard about making this decision. For most people who are making a huge life change, it's usually because they're running away from something bad. But not me. I had a good job, great friends, and an ideal living situation. I really didn't have anything to complain about. And as independent and adventurous as I like to think that I am (and I am), I always find myself falling into the "comfort zone". I went to the same small high school K-12. I went to a smaller university and hung out with pretty much the same group of people for 5 years. And I was starting to get "comfortable" in Birmingham and could see myself settling down there...and that scared the shit out of me. I actually looked up the word "comfortable", and some synonyms included: complacent, content, sheltered, easy...and I don't want that to be my life.
Because after my last relationship (of a looong, consistent string of them), I vowed to myself that I would, for the first time ever, take some time out for me. And I've kept pretty good on that promise thus far. But one night while I was lying in bed, I decided to make a "bucket list" of things I wanted to do. But unlike most bucket lists, where people make a list of things they want to do before they die, mine was a bucket list of things I want to do before I'm 30. So I started writing:
-Live in Chicago
-See a movie in the theatre by myself
-Pet a penguin
-Take a trip to Europe
-Lay on the beaches of both east and west coast
-Skydive
-Do something that really makes a difference
And the more I started thinking about these things, more I thought, "I've got to get the hell out of here." And again, not that there was anything wrong with where I was...I just couldn't do all of these things if I stayed. So when the opportunity arose for me to apply for the Chicago position, I honestly was not 100% sure that I was ready for this...ready to leave everything and everyone I knew...ready to start over in a big city...ready to make a new life for myself. And I'll never forget receiving the phone call from my new manager officially offering me the position. It was the greatest and most overwhelming feeling of joy I think I might have ever experienced...immediately followed by the biggest wave of total and complete fear I have ever felt in my life. And even in the weeks leading up to my move, I questioned every day if I was making the right choice. Because for those of you who know me, I don't fare well with rejection or failure, nor do I put myself out there to be completely vulnerable. But I knew if I didn't do it now...if I didn't take the chance that maybe, just maybe, this could be exactly what I need to hurl myself forward to reach the amazing potential that is my life. Because if we aren't living up to our full potential as siblings, as friends, as parents, as lovers, as human beings...then what the hell are we doing??
So this is me taking leaps and bounds outside of my "comfort zone". This is one of the many lines I have chosen to draw for myself to connect my "dots". I may not being doing it "the right way" or the way I had initially imagined it or by other people's rules, but hey.....at least I'm doing it.
