"Dear John"

My Beloved --

For many years, I loved you from afar. We only met a few times, but I felt this instant connection to you. You were exciting...exhilarating, really...so full of life and adventure. You may not believe me, but I swear...it was love at first sight. And I couldn't wait to get to know you better.

Then I received the phone call that would change my life forever. I immediately fell into a whirlwind of emotions: excitement, anxiety, joy, fear, confusion. So many thoughts raced through my mind: "What if I'm not ready for this?" ... "What if I fail?" ... "What if it's not everything I thought it would be?" But it was...and you were.

So there I was, in this new world. Alone, but somehow not. You always had a strange way of making me feel at home...safe. I was scared and timid in the beginning, as in any new relationship, I suppose. Slightly awkward and unknowing. But I decided to put my fears aside and jump in with both feet. And even so, I still found myself struggling to find my place in this new life we had begun to create together. But you were patient with me.

And during our time together, we shared some incredible experiences and memories that I will cherish always. Even more than that, you gifted me some of the most beautiful people I only hope to call friends for years to come. You laughed with me...cried with me. You gave me things that no one else could ever give me...then, now, or ever. But sadly, not all relationships are meant to last forever.

For you see, in the midst our incredible year together, I fell in love...a deeper love that I have never before known. Believe me, it was nothing that I was seeking...far from it, in fact. And perhaps that is why it took hold of me so. As you can imagine, this caused me great confusion and turmoil. How could one person love two things so much, yet so differently?? I found myself at another crossroad...maybe the biggest one yet. I had a decision to make...maybe the hardest one yet. But I had to choose...and I choose him.

You presented me with so many amazing opportunities. You opened my eyes to so many things about the world...and people...and life...and mostly, myself. You showed me that I was tougher, smarter, stronger, and more open than I ever thought I could be. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to you. But I know in my heart that this not where I'm meant to be. It was nothing you did...this is only a chapter in the novel that is my life. But it will always be one of my favorite, most beautiful chapters. I only hope that you can understand...although I'm almost sure that you do. I promise to visit you from time to time, and think of you often. For no matter where I am...you, Chicago, will always hold a special place in my heart.

~XoXo~

-- L